The title sounds kind’ve like the movie The King and I, doesn’t it? No — Sonia Sotomayor and I were not and are not going to be in a movie together (wouldn’t that be something though?). However, I recently read her autobiography in the book titled “My Beloved World” which is a #1 New York Times Best Seller. I really enjoyed reading her book which was gifted to me by my mother-in-law for Christmas.

Justice Sotomayor and I are both Puerto Ricans and a lot of her family history is similar to mine. Actually, most Puerto Ricans I know who live on the mainland have pretty similar backgrounds.

In this post, I thought I’d share some of our similarities. Some are comical — some more serious. In an earlier post, I’ve shared some of what I consider to be her best quotes – wisdom from maturity. She had great insight into life.

So — here are some snippets (in bold) from her book. I’ve followed it up with my personal comments:

• Mami and my aunts would often be at Abuelita’s when we got back, crowded into the kitchen for coffee and gossip.  (Ch. 2)  How true this was in my family also. I can hardly walk into someone’s house (even today) without them offering me a cup of coffee. When I was little, our breakfast consisted of a cup of coffee with buttered toast. It was a “poor” family’s breakfast but tasted so delicious.  My cousins used to put mayonnaise on their toast instead of butter (yuck!).
• The dominoes never stopped for dinner. The game was serious. (Ch. 2) Although I was born in Chicago, every time I go back to Puerto Rico, dominoes are the game of choice and it is indeed a serious game. The first time I played dominoes it was a “doubles” game and my partner was my cousin’s husband (known as a brother-in-law to me as cousins are treated like sisters). He couldn’t believe we were losing and every time I put a tile down he said “No no, you shouldn’t have played that because …” To me it was just a game, but to him — well, you would have thought we were playing for money instead of fun.
• When I woke up in the morning, I would have Abuelita all to myself. She would stand at the stove in the housecoat she always wore for an apron … This took me back to when I would go to my abuelita’s (grandmother’s) house and she would make me scrambled eggs with diced spam ham — wearing a housecoat for an apron … just like my mother still does.
• It just wasn’t in my mother’s nature at that time to show affection, give you a hug, or get down on the floor to engage with a kid.  She had been deprived of the formative security that nurtures such impulses.  Growing up, my mother was the same way — she seemed distant. And, just like Sotomayor, it took me many years to understand that you can’t give what you have never experienced — at least not until something in your life changes or someone comes into your life and you see a different way.
• The truth, as I explained, was that I’d never once got an answer wrong on the practice tests; points had been deducted only because I hadn’t followed the steps she had prescribed.  I had reasoned out my own steps, which made sense to me, and she never explained what was wrong with them. Oh, how I remember this happening to me on so many occasions. The way I reason in my head is so illogical to other people. I remember taking a correspondence course to learn Fortran (a programming language). I was able to get to the right answer but in 10 steps instead of the 3. Needless to say, I did not pass the course. Recently I’ve encountered challenges learning how to quilt — but I’m hanging in there!
• And yet, Nancy Drew had a powerful hold on my imagination. Before moving to Minnesota, I gave away sets of Nancy Drew books. She was one of my fictional heroes and one of the few women who was in a field that was mostly men.
• They were an odd couple, those two sisters. Neither of them showed affection, and Titi especially could be austere and forbidding, but it was also clear that they were bound to each other in a way that I didn’t entirely understand.  They were like two trees with buried roots so tangled that they inevitably leaned on each other, and also strangled each other a bit. Sotomayor’s family dynamics is so similar to my mother and aunts. Their relationships are like water and oil — and yet, one can tell that they love each other so much. How do these relationships work?
• “Sonia, I don’t care if you have to cut off your hands, get that gesture out of your goddamn repertoire!” That was Kenny’s ringside. Tell a Puerto Rican not to talk with her hands? Ask a bird not to fly.  This is so true of all the Puerto Ricans I know who, not only talk with their hands but talk LOUD. As a young girl, I can also remember being in a room filled with 20-30 family members and knowing almost every conversation that was going on. That “gift” has left me though since I’m hard of hearing now — but the expectation seems to still be there.
• To be honest, I had probably never seen a couch that wasn’t covered in plastic.  Hmmm … was it only Puerto Rican families that had plastic covered couches? Ours was red and was always a tad sticky to sit on in the summer.
• Re her relationship with her mother:  Beyond that I knew practically nothing about her childhood. Her most telling stories would trickle out slowly, in dribs and drabs, but it was only when I had the strength and purpose to talk about the cold expanse between us that she confessed her emotional limitations in a way that called me to forgiveness.  ”How should I know these things, Sonia? Who ever showed me how to be warm when I was young? I was lonely; I was angry at Mayo. What else did I see?”  My mother said these words to me a few years ago. She told me that she was not hugged and that the way people loved in her day was simply taking care of each other. There were no “I love you’s” said out loud. To a lesser degree, I raised my boys the same way. Yes, there were hugs but not as many as there should have been. Only later, when a friend of mine had a baby and I saw how she loved her baby did I realize there was another way.
• As I learned, I practiced on my mother — a real hug, a sincere compliment, an extra effort to let down my guard — and miraculously she softened in turn, out of instinct long dormant, even if she didn’t quite know what was going on. Opening up, I came to realize the value of vulnerability and to honor it, and soon I found that I wasn’t alone even on this journey. My mother was taking every step alongside me, becoming more affectionate and demonstrative herself, the person who, given a chance, she might have been. Her mother, and mine, both have been able to open up and experience a new and better way of being. But, how sad for those people who don’t have the opportunity to see or taste a different way.

This book re-enforced the belief I have about people — we’re all basically the same. We have the same basic needs of wanting to be loved and accepted. We want to be forgiven for mistakes that have been made and we want to be able to start again without people getting in our face and reminding us of everything we have ever done wrong.

We’re all growing. Some people can see (like Sotomayor) how much we need to respect people where they are — others can’t see the journey that’s being traveled and just assume that people are idiots or stupid.

A little love and patience sure goes a long way though.

I gained a lot of insight from this book about personal relationships. It’s the kind of book that makes you want to read it again and again as each time you read a book you gain another perspective of what the writer is trying to convey. Glimpses into life.

Thank you Justice Sonia Sotomayor for sharing your “growing up” stories. Your humanness definitely makes me look at you in a different light.

It’s February in Minnesota. I know it’s supposed to be cold and yes, I expect snow. But this winter seems to be lingering so long already (last year we had a major snowstorm in April). We’ve had 30 days where our high temperature was less than zero.  That’s ZERO. Blah.

Yesterday afternoon our blizzard started with 2 inches of very wet snow. I headed out early enough and shoveled the very heavy snow. I’ve learned that when a lot of snow is predicted, it’s best to get out and shovel a little at a time rather than when the snow is too thick — it saves on back pain, trust me.

Minnesota Blizzard 2014

Later in the evening I headed out a second time and shoveled again. Our snow plow guy had not arrived yet and he wouldn’t arrive until it stopped snowing — what would be the point?

Minnesota Blizzard 2014

Looking out the window this morning, our driveway was plowed. We have a very dependable snowplow man. But, as winter would have it, it snowed after the plowing.

So, with shovel in hand, and bundled up for the 10° temperature, I shoveled and shoveled and shoveled some more. (We do have an electric snow blower but I find it hard to push it — much easier with the shovel.)  Later in the morning, the sun came out and getting motivated again, I headed over to my 89 year old neighbor’s house and shoveled his walkway. Unfortunately, I hadn’t gone over yesterday and shoveled his 2 inches of sleet/snow so he had quite a bit of snow and ice. Fortunately, he always leaves his shovel outside his front door so I didn’t have to haul mine with me.

Snow Laden Trees, Minnesota

Minnesota Blizzard 2014

The sun continues to shine through the snow laden branches. It’s dangerous out there though. Empty trucks are stranded on the highways. Filled trucks have to be extremely careful or they won’t be able to stop when cars skid into snow banks. There’s a lot of ice under the snow that won’t be melting any time soon because of the next round of “polar vortex” that is heading our way.

Minnesota Blizzard 2014

Our mailman attempted but was not able to deliver the mail (I can tell by the truck tracks) as the city plowed the snow against the side of the road and left a huge snow bank. I had to climb onto the bank to get our newspaper.

Minnesota Winter Road

Minnesota Blizzard 2014

Minnesota snow is beautiful but this beauty is not worth it to me. What am I saying? I don’t want to retire here. I’d like to be able to go out in winter — take a nice walk (even with a coat) or at least be able to drive around without having to worry about winding up in a ditch.

Minnesota Sun in February

Minnesota Sun in February

Minnesota Evergreens – February

Snow Laden Trees, Minnesota

So — with six (or so) years left to retirement, we have a few years to research other places to live.

Anyone have any suggestions?

This past Christmas, my mother-in-law gifted me a book written by Justice Sonia Sotomayor called My Beloved World. I had a great time reading the book as she shares quite a few childhood experiences that were similar to my own. (Click here to read that post.)

What I found truly inspiring about the book though were all the bits of wisdom scattered throughout. I knew I would never remember them so every time I came upon something I thought was simple yet profound, I put a sticky note next to it. Below are a few of the bits of wisdom that Justice Sotomayor shared in her book and that have made me take notice of things in my own life.

• But experience has taught me that you cannot value dreams according to the odds of their coming true. Their real value is in stirring within us the will to aspire. That will, wherever it finally leads, at least move you forward. And after a time you may recognize that the proper measure of success is not how much you’ve closed the distance to some far-off goal but the quality of what you’ve done today. (In the Preface)

• There are uses to adversity, and they don’t reveal themselves until tested. (Chapter 1)

• I learned that day is still one too many kids never figure out: don’t be shy about making a teacher of any willing party who knows what he or she is doing. In retrospect, I can see how important that pattern would become for me; how readily I’ve sought out mentors, asking guidance from professors or colleagues, and in every friendship soaking up eagerly whatever that friend could teach me. (Chapter 8)

• I was fifteen years old when I understood how it is that things break down: people can’t imagine someone else’s point of view. (Chapter 11)

• But what really binds people as a family? The way they shore themselves up with stories; the way siblings can feud bitterly but still come through for each other; how an untimely death, a child gone before a parent, shakes the very foundations; how the weaker ones, the ones with invisible wounds, are sheltered; how a constant din is medicine against loneliness; and how celebrating the same occasions year after year steels us to the changes they herald. And always food at the center of it all. (Chapter 12)

• The nature of many things, I might add: success is its own reward, but failure is a great teacher too and not to be feared. (Chapter 15)

• Ken said the same thing, and the sentiment has been expressed countless times by minority students everywhere; by some accident of fate, we few among the great many had won the lottery. As the winners we stood in for all those not so lucky – some truly brilliant kids like Nelson, who slipped up, or others who’d never crossed paths with someone who could point the way, or who’d never even heard there was a way. (Chapter 17)

• If you want to change someone’s mind, you must understand what need shapes his or her opinion. (Chapter 17)

• When a young person, even a gifted one, grows up without proximate living examples of what she may aspire to become – whether lawyer, scientist, artist, or leader in any realm – her goal remains abstract. Such models as appear in books or on the news, however inspiring or revered, are ultimately too remote to be real, let alone influential. But a role model in the flesh provides more than an inspiration; his or her very existence is confirmation of possibilities one may have every reason to doubt, saying, “Yes, someone like me can do this.” (Chapter 19)

• But as for the possibility of “having it all,” career and family, with no sacrifice to either, that is a myth we would do well to abandon, together with the pernicious notion that a woman who chooses one or the other is somehow deficient. To say that a stay-at-home mom has betrayed her potential is no less absurd than to suggest that a woman who puts career first is somehow less a woman. (Chapter 24)

I’d encourage you to read her book as it definitely gives insight into who she is as a person. Feel free to share any pearls of wisdom that you find as there are many.

Justice Sonia Sotomayor is one of the few people I wish I could meet. Perhaps on one of my trips to Puerto Rico I’ll run into her if she happens to vacation there. That would be wonderful!

My oven has a cleaning setting but the racks have to be removed and cleaned by hand. I have never liked cleaning the oven racks but do not like the look of dirty ones either.

So, I started cleaning the racks as I usually do — wet SOS pads and a lot of scrubbing. After cleaning the first rack, I rinsed it and determined that it was not as clean as I would like it to be but this was a LOT of work and was taking too much time.

Suddenly, a light shone from overhead (naw, just kidding, hahahahahaha) — an idea popped into my head. Why don’t I soak the racks in the bathtub? Hmmm … would it work? Well, it can’t hurt, I told myself.

So, I took the three racks upstairs to the bathroom, placed an old towel on the bottom of the tub so it wouldn’t get scratched, squeezed a bunch of Ajax Triple Action dish detergent in the tub (I hear Dawn works really well on grease also), filled the tub with hot water and put the racks inside one on top of another (making sure they were all covered with the soapy water).

Two hours later I came to check on the progress of the cleaning. I dipped my finger in the water and touched one of the racks with the tip of my finger to see if the dirt on it was soft. Boy was it ever!

I fetched a wash cloth and used it to gently remove the loosened dirt from the racks. Even the dirt in the hard to reach corners were easy to remove. Yes! Next, I drained the tub, rinsed the racks with clean water and placed them on a towel on the floor to dry.

That was it! So easy and simple! And to think how many times I had spent hours scrubbing the racks with SOS pads only to have a lot of the dirt still remain on them.

Here’s a look at how they came out:

Clean Oven Racks

Just like new! I hardly recognized them when I put them back inside the oven. What a simple and green way to clean oven racks.

(Oh – to avoid future spills in the oven, I placed a piece of aluminum foil on top of the bottom rack.)