Category: Aging

I’ve had to fly back to Seattle as a friend of mine (who I have power of attorney for) had to be put on hospice right before I went on my Caribbean vacation.

Once I landed in Seattle, I went straight to the adult family home from the airport. My friend’s name is Lois. She was in bed when I arrived and a social worker from hospice was sitting next to her. (Hospice is called in when a person has less than 6 months to live.)

Lois looked at me but I’m not sure she remembered me — at least not right away. After a few moments she appeared to recognize me but there was no spark in her any more. She was on an oxygen tank as her oxygen level has been going below 90%. They are slowly trying to wean her off of all the medications she is on although they have added two — morphine and an anti-psychotic drug — as she gets really agitated in the evenings. Both of these medications are administered at very low dosages however the anti-psychotic drug is the one that also makes her seem less “real.” She stares off into space a lot and repeats things quite frequently when she does talk.

When we lived in Seattle my husband would get a grocery list from Lois every Sunday and deliver the groceries to her. It was no surprise to me that she kept repeating his name to me over and over again. She kept asking if he was making chicken for dinner as the home she lived in was having chicken for dinner that day. I told her “yes” even though I didn’t know what he was making.

Lois remembered my sons names too — both of which she hoped would marry some day soon.

We spent two hours together before it was dinner time. It took two people to move her from her bed to the wheelchair. She had a blank stare during the whole process. Once they wheeled her to the dinner table, they put a bib on her and placed the food in front of her. Pureed chicken with green beans. Yuck! She looked at the food and just stared at it. I couldn’t tell if she was disgusted with what she saw but I know I was. The staff gave her a couple of bites and then she refused to eat more. They added a powder to her water called Thick It to make the consistency like a gel so she doesn’t choke on the water as she has trouble swallowing now.

It was sad to see her sitting in front of two other people who were eating chicken and mashed potatoes only to have hers be nothing that resembled theirs. Baby food, I thought. Baby food might taste better to her than this — not that I had tasted what they had pureed but the appearance was ugly. How can you prepare pureed chicken to look pretty though? I made a mental note to ask the nurse later this week if she could eat baby food instead.

She sat at the dinner table for over a half hour. The staff were cheerful and patient. They allowed her to try to feed herself which was painful to watch. She would occasionally pick up the glass of gel-like water and sip it. The staff would come back to check on her and give her more mouthfuls of the pureed chicken.

How sad that one’s life has to come to the end like this. If she continues eating so little, the doctor estimates she will die in less than 6 months which is why hospice was brought in.

Is this dying gracefully? A friend told me that there are three ways to die:

• Old age
• A disease (like cancer)
• Quickly (as in a heart attack that one does not recover from)

She’s 81 years and 5 months old. Her dementia is getting worse. She’s starting to fall out of bed and can’t remember things from one moment to the next.

So far, my friend remembers me when I talk to her on the phone. My next visit to her will be in late January/early February as she lives in Seattle.

This week I received a call from Hospice wanting my permission to evaluate her as her doctor believes that if she continues in a downward spiral she will not live more than 6 months. I gave them my permission.

This friend has given me power of attorney for financial and medical decisions in her life. For over 12 years our family has helped her. She’s not a rich woman — at least not materialistically although she would always show her thankfulness in handmade quilts, embroidered pillowcases and lots of hugs.

She has placed total trust in us. That’s a lot of responsibility and one I don’t take lightly.

A friend once told me “I can count my real friends on one hand.” Real friends are truly hard to come by. I just hope that I can live up to the trust that she has given me. I don’t want to make any wrong decisions for her. She deserves, when it’s time, to die with dignity.

The aging process is not easy … I sure hope someone is around to take care of me.

Autumn is the perfect time to take walks through some of Minnesota’s State Parks as wildlife can easily be seen but the bug population has decreased.

Afton State Park is located in Afton, Minnesota, a small rural city south of St. Paul with a population of approximately 2800. The park borders the St. Croix River and one of the trails leads you down to the water.

The visitor center was bustling with people when we arrived. We did not have to check in though as we have a pass that covers State Parks and another that covers the Preserves.

One of the first signs we encountered warned of wild parsnip growing in the area. I hadn’t realized that parsnip could be a problem. This is commonly planted parsnip. The sign says the parsnip “escaped” its domestic use and has become naturalized in open areas and fields.

When our sweaty skins come into contact with this plant, a chemical called psoralen is tranfered to the skin and can cause some people to become super-sensitive to sun exposure. Who would have thought parsnip could have this effect? Fortunately for us, we did not run into any.

The trail we decided to take went down to the St. Croix River.

Picnic tables and beautiful sun-drenched trees lined the trail.

The view from above, of the St. Croix River and the valley surrounding it was very pretty.

The trail we took headed downwards. I’m always hoping the walk back is not too steep.

And here it is — the St. Croix River. Sailing, fishing, swimming … extra fun in the summer time. The swimming area is closed now.

A fisherman takes advantage of the sunny day to catch fish. The St.Croix River has large and smallmouth bass and walleye fish. The bass must be 14 inches or more in order to be kept and any walleye less than 15 inches must be released.

I have not had the opportunity to fish this year. Maybe I’ll try ice fishing when the snow freezes our nearest lake.

Although swimming was not allowed this time of year, it was nice to walk on a sandy beach on a sunny day.

Looking over to the Wisconsin side of the river, a house is almost hidden in the hillside.

The walk back to the parking lot took us past a hillside of ferns, a babbling brook and the ski lift area. Yes — there is skiing in Minnesota. Since I’m not a skier, I’ll probably never be able to tell if the “hills” are tall enough to be challenging or if they can be considered “bunny” slopes.

Minnesota is lovely in autumn. The blue sky, the changing of the leaves on the trees, the smell in the cool air — all these help to give a sense of inner peace.

The leaves change colors just like in the seasons of life.

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A recent article in the Business Insider discusses the possibility that Google is destroying our memory.

“This evolution of how we learn and retain details might allow us to be more efficient in our consumption of information, but what happens to society when we become overly reliant on Google to do the job our brains have always done?”

Retention has always been a problem for me although as I get older I seem to have a clearer understanding of things in life.

The task of searching for information helped our memories retain that information. No more — we know we can “Google” it.

Well, at least the majority of people I know seem to head that way.

It’s always interesting when I visit some of my “older” friends — some just 5 years older — who don’t care to have computers at home and don’t care about all the additional information they could possibly know about.

They are content where they are. The newer generation does not know anything different as cell phones, iPads, Kindles, printers and every new technological advancement is globbed onto.

Are we in a better place now than we were 20 years ago? Depends who you ask. Our social skills have gone downhill, in my opinion. We choose to text instead of talk, email instead of visit. Intimacy with others is at a distance — really it’s no intimacy at all.

Rare are the days when we talk on the phone for hours at a time laughing with someone. Oh — LOL (laughing out loud) is texted to people but it doesn’t have the same depth of value.

Let’s be careful out there not to lose our relationship building skills for lack of using them.

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My trip to Seattle proved to be quite relaxing. Six nights and 7 days — almost like taking a cruise.

Visiting with friends always makes my heart glad.

The plane’s descent over Minnesota on the return trip was beautiful. The autumn colors could clearly be seen and the many  lakes were visible to the eye. A perfect welcome home.

I was thankful when I arrived at the house. I missed the new house – a sign that I am finally settling into this new state called Minnesota.

So many autumn changes in the week that I was gone. The colors on the trees are absolutely gorgeous as the sun filters through the leaves.

I enjoy raking leaves. We’ll see how I feel after this autumn when I have the opportunity to rake many many leaves.

Autumn reminds me that there can be beauty in death — another aging revelation. Beauty can be found in just about everything.

I’m just wondering … do people get life insurance just for the sake of getting life insurance? If a person’s mortgage is paid, they are healthy, they have no children at home … would they get insurance so that someone else can have “fun” when they die?

Do people who are in their 60’s or later really do this?

Just wondering …